Rolling your eyes at all the shirtless pics? Gagging on all the soppy poetry? Failing to find anything better than scripted banter? If not, keep browsing. I’m not the penpal for you. A horde of other men await, ready to disappoint you with clumsy seductions and cloying sentimentalism.
If you’re after something different, keep reading.
There are philosophers, psychologists and dour authors of dark fiction who argue existence is a never-ending nightmare from which we shelter in self-delusion. I suspect they’re right. Still, even the most miserable and misanthropic among us can’t deny the rewards of friendship. We all crave that respite from the stress and confusion of modern life. We all crave the undemanding endearment of someone who has congruous interests or similar experiences. We all crave a chance to be seen, heard and understood. No less sour a soul than Lovecraft was a fervent correspondent, you know.
Befriending someone is a perilous venture, though. There’s a risk of rejection or deception. Many of us have been toyed with, ghosted, catfished or told to transform ourselves into people we’re not to please another. Friendship should soothe pain, not worsen it. That’s why you’ll have naught but candor and courtesy from me. Depending on whom you ask, reckless sincerity is either my greatest virtue or greatest vice.
You seek someone with whom you can form a durable bond, right? Someone who pens real letters while others text and tweet? Someone who offers memorable conversations instead of the forgettable chatter, endless posturing and petty duplicities that pass for friendly interaction these days?
That person is me.
But who am I? Contradictions define me: I’m a man who prefers to befriend women, a prisoner with no tattoos, a metalhead who only wears white (not by choice, though!), a millennial who detests modern culture and a pessimist who makes pleasant company. I spent my childhood devouring books and roaming the woods. The Sorting Hat dithered between Ravenclaw and Slytherin before tossing me into the latter. Friends endure my fondness for felines, frightful films and abhorrent alliteration. Interviews with Chris Cuomo and Piers Morgan tell a tiny part of my tale.
You’ll have to write me to learn the rest.
Pease note that Texas prisoners are no longer able to receive physical mail. The easiest way to greet me is to create JPay.com and Securustech.net accounts and send me an e-message.
