Rolling your eyes at all the shirtless piss? Gagging on all the soppy poetry? Failing to find better than scripted banter? If not, keep browsing. I’m not the penpal for you. A horde of other men await, ready to disappoint you with clumsy seductions and cloying sentimentalism.
If you seek something different, keep reading.
Even the most miserable and misanthropic amongst us can’t deny the rewards of friendship. No less sour a soul than Lovecraft was a fervent correspondent. Friends are a salve for the stress and confusion of life. We all crave the undemanding endearment of one with congruous interests or similar experiences. We all crave a chance to be seen, heard and understood.
Befriending another is a perilous venture, though. There’s a risk of rejection or deception. Like me, you’ve probably been toyed with, ghosted, catfished or told to transform yourself into someone you’re not to please another. It’s pretty sad. Friendship should soothe pain, not worsen it. That’s why you’ll have only candor and courtesy from me. Depending on whom you ask, reckless sincerity is either my greatest virtue or greatest vice. In other words, I’m worth the risk.
You seek someone with whom you can forge an everlasting bond, right? Someone who crafts meaningful messages whilst others tweet inanities? Who offers memorable conversations instead of forgettable chatter, endless posturing and petty duplicities that pass for friendship these days?
That person is me.
So let me introduce myself. Contradictions define me: I’m a man who prefers to befriend women, a prisoner with no tattoos, an American who favors British spelling, a metalhead who ranks Kate Bush his most beloved musician and a millenniaI who feels out of place in the modern world. I spent my childhood devouring books, building LEGO sets and roaming the woods. The Sorting Hat dithered between Ravenclaw and Slytherin before tossing me into the former. Magic is a major part of my life, for I walk the Left-Hand Path. Friends endure my fondness for felines, frightful films, fancy phrasings and assiduous alliteration. I’m designing my own tabletop RPG. Interviews with Piers Morgan and Chris Cuomo tell a tiny part of my tale.
You’ll have to greet me to learn the rest.
(IMPORTANT: You must set up a Securus eMessaging account if you wish to talk! Don’t presume I can reply to a greeting sent through this site!)
